WtAFW: The Mutant Strain by M.J. Edwards

 

So I run a weekly feature called What the Actual Fuck Wednesday, where I ask people to send me the weirdest romance and erotica books they can find-- and then I read and review them! I usually do one a week, although once in a while, I find two books that are so good (read: bad) that I do a double feature. So, if there's something you would like to see me read and review, PLEASE recommend me titles!

This week's was a long time coming. People were recommending THE MUTANT STRAIN to me even before I launched WtAFW. In case you didn't know, M.J. Edwards is one of those troll erotica writers who helped relaunch the "what even is this" erotica boom with her truly bizarre COVID erotica short stories. She also has one about poop, which I also reviewed, because I apparently don't know how to say "no."

THE MUTANT STRAIN is about a microbiologist named Amy Amyson. Amy Amyson is a bisexual nymphomaniac. Points for representation. Negative points for the "bisexuals are sluts" stereotype. Although since all of Edwards's characters are like this, maybe she's just giving out some equal opportunity horn-dogginess. In which case: PROCEED.

Amy Amyson hooks up with a hot French stewardess on her way back from the Finnish Microbiology Convention (apparently, the hot hookup site) and it rocks her vagina so hard that she still has quaking knees. But oh no. She has a new strain of Coronavirus called the "vagina strain." And the flight attendant has a strain of Coronavirus called the "dick strain." And when their powers combine, it creates a cocktail of horny Big Red that causes Amy to hulk out of her lab coat and turn her incredibly large tits towards the panting intern, who immediately starts sucking on them-- like a Hoover vacuum, was it?

And THEN THEY BANG.

This book is gross. All of the COVID books by this author are gross but this one seemed especially gleeful about it, whether it was referring to vaginas as "beefburger," or comparing tittyfucks to "a boy scout cleaning a car windshield with chorizo," to comparing oral sex to "a delicious glass of Pepsi" (#notsponsored?), M.J. Edwards really outdid herself with this one. Somehow I always end up both cringing and laughing every time I pick up one of these fucking things, and they're so damn inappropriate that even as a thirty-something, I feel like I need a permission slip to read these.

1 out of 5 stars