The Rules According to Jwoww by Jenni "Jwoww" Farley

 🌟 I read this for the Yule Bingo Challenge, for the category of Room of Requirement: favorite genre. For more info on this challenge, click here. 🌟

I read a lot of books that people would call "trash," and one of my favorite genres of these so called "trash" books? Memoirs written by celebrities, the more obscure or unconventional, the better. I especially have a thing for "tabloid fodder" D-listers and reality TV stars, which is reaaally weird, because I don't buy tabloids and I don't watch reality TV. I've never seen a single episode of Jersey Shore, and yet... somehow I ended up with JWOWW's self-help book. I don't ever buy self-help books. This is my first.


You're probably asking yourself, "WHY DID YOU DO THIS TO YOURSELF?" To be fair, it was only $1.99 on Kindle, which I feel is how a lot of questionable Kindle purchases are explained away. This book is also on the "Who Let These People Write A book?" list on Goodreads. I'm on the list as well, and I can't help but feel a certain level of kinship with her on that point alone. We both write books that people think are trashy. #TrashQueens

My expectations when picking this up were low, but not as low as you might think. One of my friends was pleasantly surprised by Snooki's memoir, and said it was self-effacing and charming in a very strange way. As much as people like to rip on The Shore, the cast never struck me as complete a-holes; they seemed self-aware, in a way that suggested that, under circumstances, they might be persuaded to have a laugh - a big laugh - at their own expense. Also, JWOWW's Goodreads author bio says that she studied computer programming and was a graphic designer before she made it big on Jersey Shore. I found that fascinating, because nobody ever talks about that. It's always about the clubbing and the partying and the fighting and the smushing.

THE RULES ACCORDING TO JWOWW is a dating book, and comes off as a bizarre cross of an R-rated version of Seventeen magazine and a pick-up artist's treatise. On the one hand, you'll have tips like "too much makeup makes you look like a ho," but on the other hand, you'll actually get really useful advice: like eating properly, being safe at night, having positivity, demanding a certain level of respect while dating, and even a few recipes on how to make a quality Italian dinner.

I found myself amused as I turned the pages, because I could imagine her saying all of this in her voice. I nearly lost it in the beginning, because there is a freaking glossary where you'll learn words and phrases like "fresh to death," "smush," and "vibin'." Also, I have no idea what "Ron Ron Juice" is, but I feel like I probably wouldn't be able to pronounce it anymore after more than two glasses.

If you have money to burn and your glossy magazines are feeling too tame, pick this up for the lols. It definitely gives you an interesting perspective on Jenni Farley, even if you don't watch "The Shore."

2.5 out of 5 stars