WtAFW: Abraham Lincoln: Fuck Lord of the Moon by Catherine DeVore

 

So in case you've seen my reviews on other weird books like this, I do a weekly feature called What the Actual F*** Wednesday where I ask friends and followers to send me the weirdest romance and erotica books they can find, and then I read and review one a week. Why? Because people were sending me these things even before the challenge, and now, at least, I can contain the beast.

The beast, of course, not being Abraham Lincoln, who no man or woman can tame. Which brings us to today's weekly pick: the book whose title I cannot say in this review if I want to cross-post to Amazon. But let's just say that it involves Abraham Lincoln and his social dominance over our solitary satellite: the moon.

Here is the plot in a nutshell:

1. Abraham Lincoln is a ninja.
2. Abraham Lincoln faked his own death by hiring his good friend, John Wilkes Booth, to pretend to assassinate him.
3. John Wilkes Booth then faked HIS own death after concluding his mission.
4. Thus presumed dead, Abraham Lincoln is free to reunite with his Japanese squad of lovers/ninjas to go to a moon mission to FIGHT the emperor of Japan. On the moon.
5. Yes, you read that right.
6. The emperor of Japan and Abraham Lincoln have a sword fight.
7. The swords are not made of metal. Also they glow like lightsabers.
8. Insert "had**ken" joke here from Streetfighter.
9. Abraham Lincoln now owns the moon.

I really don't have much else to say about this book. I actually feel like that bulleted summary speaks for itself and perfectly encapsulates what you can expect to find within these pages. It was awful, yes, but the author actually sort of made An Attempt(TM) to have a "historical" tone to the narrative that makes it sound like one of those awful pulp novels that are now in the public domain, you know, like the Barsoom novels, or the original Tarzan books. Except, you know, NSFW x 1000.

It physically hurt to spend $2.99 on less than 50 pages, but I did it for science.

1 out of 5 stars