Wednesday, September 20, 2023

WtAFW: Seduced by the Pumpkin Spice Latte by Evelyn Cloves


So I have a "weekly" challenge called What the Actual Fuck Wednesday, where I read and review the weirdest romance and erotica people send my way. I can't remember who sent me SEDUCED BY THE PUMPKIN SPICE LATTE but as soon as I saw it, I knew it had to be one of my fall picks. Even more surprising? Somehow it's been out since 2015 and it seems like it's been largely undiscovered.

Melissa is obsessed with floaty scarves, layered tees, braids she found on the internet, Taylor Swift... and PSLs. Oh, how she loves PSLs. They practically make her horny. Despite the short length of this book, Pumpkin Spice Latte is mentioned 50 times, and Starbucks 17 times. Which is honestly pretty ballsy of this author to do. Or was this a guerilla marketing attempt like KFC's ill-fated TENDER WINGS OF DESIRE? Either way, it takes product placement to dangerous and potentially hospital-inducing levels.

When Melissa buys her drink, the Starbucks employees are suspiciously hot and her drink is suspiciously sensual. After masturbating in public with the PSL cup, she finds the two employees watching her, which is when they tell her that she's a *checks notes* "pumpkin spice-sexual," and invite her to join a threesome WHILST STILL IN THE STORE. OSHA violations, I see you.

There's not a lot to say about this book. It's bad, it knows it's bad, and it doesn't care.

I've never been so glad to be lactose intolerant.

1 out of 5 stars

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