Bloom by Delilah S. Dawson

What the FUCK did I just read, a memoir.

No, but seriously, the last thing I read that had me holy shitting like this was probably Ania Ahlborn's BROTHER. And BLOOM is so insidious, starting out like a cute little sapphic cottagecore romance. Ash seems like a manic pixie dreamgirl straight out of homesteader TikTok, and yet, beneath her little cottage, a dark secret lies...

I liked this book... as horrible as it was. The writing was beautiful, even poetic at times, and I think this is a masterclass on how to make two toxic, deeply fucked up and unlikable people compelling. I saw a lot of reviews about how much people hated Ro but I think that was the point; she's needy and doesn't have boundaries and a deeply flawed person, and those flaws end up being exploited in the worst way.

One of the running themes in this book is Ro ignoring Ash's red flags even though if they came from a man, they would alarm her. And she questions this multiple times, wondering if her fear and unease is internalized misogyny rearing its ugly head-- because of course, a woman could never do anything violent or terrible? Except this is, in and of itself, internalized misogyny, and it is a narrative that enables violent and predatory women to fly under the radar in a society that only sees women as victims or recipients of violence. And I think that was the ultimate goal of this book.

I don't really have much else to say because I don't want to spoil anything, but don't worry-- the kitty lives.

4 to 4.5 out of 5 stars

Barbarian's Concubine by Lisa Cach

Some romance is trashy and that should be okay. I hate the idea that books aren't allowed to be cheesy and camp, that everything has to be high art. BARBARIAN'S CONCUBINE brands itself as Fifty Shades of Grey meets Game of Thrones; it knows what it is and what it's doing, and it does that well: geopolitics and slightly uncomfortable sex scenes that somehow manage to be both hot and cringe.

My favorite thing about this book is the character development of Nimia. She was very naive in the first book (and very much a victim of grooming, which made this worse). In BARBARIAN'S, she figures out that she has a right to be angry with the man who tricked her into thinking he would be her benevolent initiator; that actually, he was a prisoner and a creep. Unfortunately, escape leads her into the hands of an equally ambitious and depraved man who plans to use her for revolution. Also there's some light magic and some rather hilarious, almost culty shenanigans, and ofc, lots of Roman debauchery.

I'm kind of surprised that this book doesn't have more ratings but I think historical romance/erotica tends to be niche, and this is smut-with-plot in the vein of those old Ellora's Cave novellas, where even though a significant amount of focus is on sexual situations, there's also a lot of story, too. The slavery component, SA, and (I feel) deliberately unsexy sex scenes will be deal-breakers for some. The heroine is also hypersexual, and since I'm not, I won't comment on the accuracy of this rep. I think it does feel sensationalized at times, though.

Overall, this has a fun, pulpy vibe to it that makes it curiously addictive. I read both books in just over two days and I'm in a little bit of a reading slump right now. Definitely a 70s bodice-ripper throwback.

3.5 out of 5 stars

Slave Girl by Lisa Cach

I think I might have gotten a copy of this as a Netgalley ARC years and years ago, but now the whole series is out so I thought I'd buy all the books for fun. Lisa Cach was a bodice-ripper author for Love Spell in the 90s so it was such a fun surprise to see that she was not only still writing, she'd also turned her hand to writing spicy Roman erotica, about a half-Celt, half-Asian slave who's a prisoner to a Roman.

The writing and political intrigue in this book are really well done and even though it's a novella, I feel like the pacing is tight and doesn't feel rushed or uneven. Most of the smut is also great, too. My only qualm is that the book feels uncomfortable at times because her master (who is NOT the love interest by the way) got her when she was young, and he's been grooming her for like nine years in preparation for taking her virginity, and some of his lessons felt very icky (I think they were supposed to). Interestingly, the heroine's hypersexuality and fondness for her master feel more like a matter of survival than titillation, because when she's presented with an alternative future that offers freedom and knowledge, her disgust for him is a revelation.

I'd recommend this to people who liked Game of Thrones and Kushiel's Dart, as I feel like this book has similar vibes, only it feels less exploitative than both of those. The elements of Greek and Roman mythology and geo-politics give this more oomph than it would have had if it were just spice (not that there's anything wrong with that, just that spice for spice's sake doesn't do much for me). I'm glad that I have all of the other books in the series because SLAVE GIRL ends on a wicked cliffhanger.

4 to 4.5 out of 5 stars

Irish Vice by Alix Key

After bulldozing my way through IRISH BRUTE, I could not wait to pick up the sequel. Not just because it's one of the best mafia romances I've ever read, but also because it's a-- wait for it-- Jane Eyre retelling. And a damn good one, too, honestly. It's not exact retelling but it's one of those ones where it's close enough to the source material that I'm having a blast trying to figure out what she'll keep and what she won't.

As far as sequels go, this is one of the better ones I've read too, because not only is there intense development with the plot, the character and emotional development really takes off here, as well. There were some twists that made me gasp and cringe, Samantha learns to overcome some of her traumas to wrest control over her life, and Braiden (sort of) learns when to be soft and make compromises.

That said, this book is a LOT darker than the first. Towards the end there's a pretty graphic torture session and while I was glad it was not as visceral as it could have been, it was still hard to read. Braiden also does some of those totally outlandish sex scenes that feel like they're shock fodder for Booktok. In this case, filling her vag with ice and fucking her with a pool cue.

I still loved this book, though. It's beautifully written and so entertaining. I almost don't want to read the last book right away because it's the last one, but I NEED IT.

4.5 out of 5 stars

Irish Brute by Alix Key

An Irish mafia Jane Eyre retelling? The way I was so excited for this-- and it was so good. Samantha is a lawyer with a dark secret, and when she hears the Italian mobster who always overshadowed her childhood killing her childhood friend/cousin on the phone, she knows she's in terrible danger. Enter her client, Braiden Kelly, who takes it upon himself to offer her marriage in exchange for protection.

This has BDSM but it's all consensual and I felt like the kink and total power exchange were done really well. The Jane Eyre parallels were also brilliant and I loved how the author infused this with gothic vibes, even though it was definitely still a mafia romance. It was actually one of the better Jane retellings I've read that was a deviation from the original formula, and I thought that was super fun for me.

If you like the Underboss Insurrection series by Cate C. Wells, I think you'll really enjoy this, as it has similar vibes but with more spicy times.

4.5 out of 5 stars

The Absolutely Positively Worst Man in England, Scotland and Wales by Anne Stuart

THE ABSOLUTELY POSITIVELY WORST MAN IN ENGLAND, SCOTLAND, AND WALES is pure camp, in case you couldn't guess from the title. Anne Stuart was writing dark romances before dark romances were even really a thing, and people used to refer to her morally grey heroes as "gamma heroes," which, in the romance reader parlance, used to refer to brainy, scheming, morally ambiguous men who operated on the same continuum as a high-functioning sociopath.

She's been writing these sorts of books for decades and has it down to an artform at this point, although now that she's gone the self-publishing/small press route, I have noticed that her overusage of certain words has skyrocketed and the banter between characters has become circuitous. I'm a fan of her work so this was more amusing than annoying, but because of this I would recommend that people who are new to this author don't start with her newer books; they have, in essence, almost become endearing parodies of themselves.

THE ABSOLUTELY is about a man named Kit, who is frenemies with an old roue named George. George is engaged to an heiress named Bryony, whose freckles are basically her whole personality. Her companion is her cousin, Cecelia, a renowned beauty. Both of these girls are kidnapped by the men for nefarious purposes; George because he wants the money and Kit, simply because he's bored and figures it might be a good time. Kit is literally the worst, but his encounters with Bryony stymie him because he's unprepared for her blend of headstrong and combative innocence. A lot of this author's books follow this formula but I fucking LOVE it.

3.5 out of 5 stars

The Beauty by Aliya Whitely

Well, that was fucking disgusting (complimentary).

Mushroom horror seems to be really popular right now and the best thing about it is that, like mushrooms, every take I've read on it so far has been so unique, despite belonging to the same species. THE BEAUTY is extra bizarre because it's got queer-coding, body horror, feminine rage, and eldritch terrors. What would happen if women turned into mushrooms? What if the sex was disfiguring and weird?

WHAT THEN?????

This did not scare me so much as make me very uneasy and squeamish, although I did like what it was trying to do. THE BEAUTY is a literal dismantling of the patriarchy via literal emasculation, and in today's current political climate, there's something kind of satisfying about that. I did give the frozen mushrooms in my fridge an extra side-eye, though. Maybe I won't be eating those anytime soon...

My only dissatisfaction was actually with the ending, which felt way too abrupt. I wanted closure and I didn't really get that. I also had a lot of unanswered questions, and maybe that was the point, but I don't have to like that.

3.5 out of 5 stars