WtAFW: Nostril Fucked by the Micropenis by Fannie Tucker

 

Fannie Tucker is basically the female Chuck Tingle, so she has become a regular feature in my What the Actual F*** Wednesday challenges because of how over-the-top her books are. Most of them are available for free on Kindle Unlimited, but I actually had to shell out three whole bucks for this, which I could have spent on coffee, or a bus fare to the pharmacy to pick up some brain bleach. The fact that I spent so much on a mere thirteen pages hurts me.

I can't say the title of this book if I want to cross-post this review to Amazon, but let's just say that it's about exactly what you think it is and the Amazon blurb even says "Yes. Really," in big bold letters, which I found hilarious. I also find it hilarious that this book is set in Miami because if something like this were to happen, of course it would happen in Miami. We've all heard the popular meme about Googling "Florida Man" and seeing what kind of crazy stuff pops up.

Naomi, our heroine, is a beauty with wide, flaring nostrils and a secret dream. When a man pulls up in a souped up car, with more muscles than the Liver King, flexing and strutting his way past the velvet rope by means of a gratuitous tip, Naomi's friend leans over and is like "Wow, he must be overcompensating for something," and Naomi's heart flutters because she realizes he must be the man of her dreams.

At the club, she finds out that Overcompensation has never gone home with a woman before and she gets up in his lap and tells him that she knows why, but then she tells him what she's looking for in a man, and the two of them race to his love nest, where she sees that he has a massive house, a massive TV, and also a powerboat, for some reason. She tells him she doesn't want to play with his big toys, and I was massively disappointed that she didn't follow that up with "I want to play with your Micro Machine." Because they do exactly that, in case you were wondering. He becomes her Neti Pot of love, and it's actually sort of sweet in a messed up way, I guess, if you're into that sort of thing.

Weirdly enough, this isn't even the most weird of her books.

1 out of 5 stars