Beach House by R.L. Stine

 

I'm pretty sure I read this when I was a kid but I didn't remember the plot at all, so when I found this in the garage while cleaning I was excited to give it a reread. If you've been following some of my vintage YA pulp reviews, you'll know I have ~thoughts~ about R.L. Stine. Namely, that he seems to have two modes: gleeful vicarious murder-joy and I'm-dialing-it-in-for-the-paycheck ennui. His Fear Street books can be hit or miss and most of the Goosebumps books don't hold up at all, but his standalone Point Horror releases are actually usually pretty good.

BEACH HOUSE in particular is balls-to-the-walls insanity, with numerous dated pop culture references, a dual timeline, and a grand reveal that is on par with The Langoliers in terms of redonkulous. So obviously, I loved it.

In the 1950s timeline, we have a bunch of teens who hang out at the beach. Maria, Amy, Stuart, Ronnie, and Buddy. They all decide to prank Buddy by stealing his pants when he's in the water and forcing him to come out to the beach naked, and then Maria stands him up on their date for Stuart. Buddy is pissed and then bad things happen. You also get references to Jackie Gleason, the Crewcuts, record players, Marilyn Monroe, and Tab Hunter.

In the "present" timeline, there's Ashley, Ross, Kip, Lucy, and Brad. All of them are summer visitors to the beach, except for Kip, who's a poor townie, and Brad, who's a rich townie. Lucy and Kip are together. Ashley and Ross are together, but Ross is like psychotically jealous and she's got a thing for rich Brad, and his big... tennis court. Here, in the "present," you will be treated to hot guys who look like Matt Dillon and Vanilla Ice, MTV and Coca-Cola towels, and day-glo sportswear. Also remember when people used to call sandals "thongs" and swimtrunks "baggies"? These were simpler times.

It would have been better if we didn't know who the killer was from the beginning and the connection between the two timelines was pretty lame. Also, this book kind of showed its ass with the "whoops, it's the 90s and we're not exactly tolerant to people who are different" mentality of the times because at the very end, one of the characters actually says "I was too ugly to have friends." LOL.

But I'm giving it three stars anyway because I had a genuinely good time laughing at this. It was almost four stars because it was surprisingly mature for a Stine book but the ending was really stupid and I'm afraid I can't condone that.

3 to 3.5 out of 5 stars