WtAFW: The Second Cumming of Christ by L.M. Whitehouse

 

THE SECOND CUMMING OF CHRIST was the first thing I saw in my DMs this morning while I was checking my Instagram. This is what happens when you become notorious on the internet for one specific thing. People want you to do the thing, over and over and over. My thing is reading weird erotica and then telling everyone else about it. Because suffering is like a can of Pringles: it's meant to be shared.

Anyway, after receiving this DM, I took to Amazon to download the book from KU and as soon as I got off work, I read this book about Jesus getting off... with one of his flock. Gloria, who has been praying to feel Christ inside her. And what is it to have a little death for someone's sins after you've already done The Big One? No offense to all my Jesus girlies out there. You might think I'm going to hell for reading this but I'm not actually religious, and you can't hell-ban what's already damned.

Speaking of damned, WHY wasn't this book... funny? I found myself thinking of Fanny Tucker or, hell, even the guy (or girl?) who wrote EL NINO CUMZ!!! I mean, at least they put effort into their books to make them ridiculous and kind of funny. How can you write a horny Jesus fanfiction and not make a joke about him rising?? Or a joke about being nailed?? (I'm sorry, I'm sorry!!! Don't be mad at me, I didn't write this book.)

I mean, you were going to piss people off by writing this either way. Why not make it fucking hilarious? What's the point of writing trolly erotica if it isn't ~a moment~? I went into this expecting for it to be bad, but not for it to be boring.

P.S. There's a typo where Gloria refers to him as her Lord and Savoir. At least I think it was a typo. It might also be a clever joke, in which case, I add a half point star to my rating.

1 to 1.5 out of 5 stars