Tender Is the Storm by Johanna Lindsey

 

I know Johanna Lindsey is a lot of people's favorite romance author, but her work has always been kind of hit or miss with me. TENDER IS THE STORM was a book that I bought purely for the cover because I was lucky enough to find an uncensored version of the Robert McGinnis clinch cover for twenty-five cents at a thrift store (it often sells for $50).

I buddy-read this book with my friend, Larissa, from Goodreads. It's a Western mail order bride romance, so buckle up and brace in for spoilers, because I have THOUGHTS.

***WARNING: SPOILERS TO COME***

Sharisse and Stephanie are two society princesses living with their overprotective father in New York. Sharisse is supposed to marry Joel, the rich son from another family, but Stephanie, the younger sister, is in love with him. She thinks he's in love with her too but he's not man enough to stand up to their fathers and is more than willing to go ahead with the marriage (which says a LOT imo). 

Stephanie decides that if she can't have Joel, she's going to run away and sends out a response to be a mail order bride. But her friend suggests that maybe she can persuade Sharisse to leave instead. And Sharisse agrees because Stephanie is a manipulative little sociopath who not only sends her sister packing but ALSO steals all of her sister's jewels just to ensure that she won't have the money to come back (royally fucking her over in the process, because Western life is bare bones when it comes to amenities).

Exhausted Sharisse comes to the Arizona territories and finds out her husband to be is actually hot. He's also tall and-- Freudianly-- reminds her of her father. Weird, but ok. I actually liked the hero, Lucas, a lot because he is so unhinged but he's also cheerful about it too. So many bodice-ripper heroes are brooding, which I like, so it was fun to find an alpha hero who took such great joy in being a psycho. And don't be fooled by his "nice" persona, this dude is DEVIOUS.

We think he's part of a twin pairing-- Lucas and Slade. Lucas is the nice twin and Slade is the rapey one who's always trying to force himself on Sharisse. BUT IT TURNS OUT THEY'RE BOTH THE SAME PERSON. Lucas is actually dead and Slade has been pretending to be both of them, and he thought that if Sharisse thought that if she were in danger from his Slade persona, she would cozy up to the Lucas one for protection. WHAT A PSYCHOPATH HAHAHA. You gotta admire the hustle.

There's some OW drama and Lucslade wants revenge on the guy who murdered people to get his father's gold mine, but most of the book is just Sharisse and Lucas and Slade fighting. I did like the fact that Slade took the trouble to beat up the French guy who was Sharisse's first love until he took advantage of her, and the shenanigans he did to "win" her back when she ran away were funny. Probably would have rated this higher if Stephanie had been punished for being a bitch and the ending didn't feel so incomplete but honestly, I had a good time reading this crazysauce-drenched nonsense.

Maybe I am a JL girlie after all, idk.

3 out of 5 stars

The Safety of Unknown Cities by Lucy Taylor

 

THE SAFETY OF UNKNOWN CITIES was recommended in this erotic horror thread I sometimes hang out in. The comparisons to Clive Barker both intrigued and terrified me because Barker is a fantastic author, but his stuff definitely pushes the limits of what I can handle. This book is a lot like the Hellraiser series, especially with the hedonistic sex addict heroine, Val, who fucks the way other people do hits of morphine; she needs greater and greater extremes to get the same highs, but it's never enough.

That's why she's searching for this place called The City. It's a place so terrifying that some people would rather blind themselves than see it-- unless you're a pervy weirdo, and then it's heaven on earth, where no sex act, no matter how depraved, is disallowed. Val goes all the way to the middle east with an intersex man who is also her lover, who holds the secret to The City over her head to toy with her.

But Val isn't the only one looking for The City. Breen, Val's ex lover and a serial killer-slash-sadist, is now looking for it, too.

I knew this book was going to be hardcore because it literally opens up with a graphic eye-gouging scene. It only goes downhill from there. I felt really uncomfortable reading this book and as with other readers, it made me feel a little physically ill. I found myself comparing it to THE HELLBOUND HEART, which was also about pleasure taken to wildly horrific extremes, but in that book, Barker left a lot of the horror to the reader's imagination. Here, Taylor feels the need to lay it all out, and the end result of that is that all of the body horror just gets stacked up on top of each other, until by the end of the book, you're asking yourself both what the point of it all was, and when it would end.

I skimmed to the end because I wanted to see if the characters made it out okay. None of them were particularly likable but with a book like this, it's kind of nice to know who-- if anyone-- makes it out alive. One of my favorite characters in the book got a pretty raw deal, so that was a bit of a bummer. Not sure I'd recommend this to anyone but readers of the extreme horror genre.

2 to 2.5 out of 5 stars

The Cruel Dark by Bea Northwick

 

This was an impulse download because I kept seeing it being suggested to me every time I went on Amazon. On a whim, I downloaded THE CRUEL DARK and ended up completely obsessed. It's kind of like a threeway cross between Gothikana, Jane Eyre, and RoseRed, but set in the 1920s with a headstrong heroine who has come to a remote and supposedly haunted mansion named Willowfield to help a hot and standoffish professor with his research, only to realize that nothing about the house-- or the man-- is truly as it seems.

The lush writing and rich setting are good enough for those who read their gothics for the vibes, but the characterizations and SPICE are also top tier. Spice does nothing for me if there's no emotional element to it, so I was delighted that the chemistry between Callum and Millie basically set the pages on fire. They're so good together, and the dangerous edge to Callum's character makes it even better.

I was thinking this was going to be a four star read for a while because there were a few niggling things that weren't my fave, but then that TWIST flew out of nowhere and everything suddenly flew neatly into place, and I was like holy shitteth, there is no way that anything that made me gasp out loud like that is getting anything less than the full five stars. I don't make the rules. (JK, I do.)

If you're a fan of Keri Lake, you need to read this book.

4.5 out of 5 stars

The Shadowed Heart by Nina Beaumont

 

THE SHADOWED HEART is an underrated historical classic set in Venice in the 1700s. It's also almost everything I want out of a romance, with echos of tension and danger that at times make it feel like a dark romance. The two main characters are Chiara, a half-Romani girl with noble lineage, and Luca, a noble son from a patrician family.

Chiara wants to kill Luca because she thinks he's the man who assaulted her sister at their camp in Padua. But the man who did that had an aura of evil (btw, the heroine is psychic) and was also a coward (the author makes a point of telling us that he screamed girlishly when she tried to stab him lol). This man reminds her of a predatory Lucifer and as much as she hates him, she's strangely attracted to him too, and that, I think we can all agree, is the absolute best kind of hate in a romance novel.

I loved the Venetian setting and how in-depth the author went into all the history and politics for such a short novel. There was also tons of intrigue and action, and even though I'm not usually into psychic characters in books, like, at all, the author made me not mind it. Although I did personally think it was cheesy and made a lot of things way too neat that otherwise would have been difficult to resolve or explain.

This book fell a little short with me with regards to the ending. I felt like Luca fell into TSTL territory, and since we were let to believe he was actually quite calculating and scheming, this felt extremely out of character for him. So did his huge blindspot regarding his psychopath brother who he knew was a psychopath because he personally had him jailed for SA-ing and murdering the woman he loved. I also liked his character more as the suave and dangerous playboy, and felt like he had become too nice by the end of the book (and I love a nice hero, and all, but that's not the Luca I married in my head!).

Overall, though, THE SHADOWED HEART was absolutely wonderful and I will be reading other books from this author for sure because I am in love with her ability to weave a metaphor.

4 to 4.5 out of 5 stars

Stormcrow Castle by Amanda Grange

 

Note: this book has been rereleased as CASTLE OF SECRETS but I personally like the older title and cover better.

Amanda Grange is a new-to-me author. I actually found one of her books at a thrift shop and it had been critically panned. Bad average ratings don't usually scare me off, though, and when I had finished reading MR. DARCY, VAMPYRE, I actually found that I had had an incredibly good time, 2.89 average rating or no. I found out that a lot of her backlist is actually on KU, so I started downloading her books one after the other, and each was better than the last!

STORMCROW CASTLE is an absolutely fantastic book, which hits all the notes you would expect in a gothic romance. It's very Jane Eyre in nature, minus the governess bit, so if you enjoy books that have the Jane vibe, you will eat this up on a silver spoon.

Helena is engaged to this guy she's kind of ambivalent about, but when she goes to the castle where her aunt works, she finds out that her aunt has mysteriously disappeared-- to visit a "sick sister," except Helena, being her niece, knows that her aunt doesn't have a sister. Disturbed, she gets the brilliant idea to pretend to be the new housekeeper so she can infiltrate the house and get the intel on her aunt's whereabouts.

Lord Torkrow (doesn't his name sound like a Pokemon???) is the man who owns the castle, although everyone in town refers to him and his family as stormcrows, which seems to be a bird of ill-omens. Strange cries come from the attic, there's a rumor that he was in love with his brother's wife and caused both their untimely deaths, and now, with the missing aunt, Helena soon wonders if maybe Torkrow is a serial murderer-- and if maybe he might plan to do away with her, too.

I just had so much fun with this book. There's sinister graveyard shenanigans, secret rooms, masquerade parties, beautiful writing, longing looks, and, in tradition of Jane Eyre, a hero who is described as ugly at a first glance, which is very Edward Rochester. I seem to recall that the heroine was plain as well(?), and I really enjoyed that. Especially since, with all her detective work and banter, Helena gives the hero plenty of reasons to respect her beyond wanting to bang her because she's hot. (Not that that isn't sometimes the vibe, too.) I'm honestly shocked this author isn't more popular.

4.5 out of 5 stars

Mr. Darcy, Vampyre by Amanda Grange

 

Amanda Grange is officially a new autobuy author of mine and she's woefully underrated. I actually bought this book because it had a 2.89 average rating on Goodreads and I was dying to know why it had been panned. I honestly don't know why it was, though. It's a fun cross between Twilight, Dracula, and Pride and Prejudice, and I had such a good time reading it. My best guess is that because this author mostly writes Jane Austen fanfic, her primary audience was people who want traditional Jane Austen fanfic and didn't appreciate the high camp.

This book is a direct AU sequel to Pride and Prejudice that starts with Jane and Elizabeth's joint wedding and then jumps into action when Elizabeth and Darcy go on their European honeymoon. Elizabeth is slightly worried that Darcy won't consummate their marriage, and even as she is awed by their trip to first Paris and then Venice, she is disturbed by his relatives and acquaintances, and all the sly little hints they keep dropping about his dark secrets.

The title is definitely a bit of a spoiler but there were still tons of fun surprises. I loved Elizabeth's character and Darcy definitely gave off Edward Cullen vibes, which weirdly works because of course, Smeyer based Edward on so many Byronic and Byronic-adjacent heroes, like Darcy, Rochester, and Heathcliff. I'd recommend this to that very niche audience of people who enjoy both literature and camp, because it contains elements of both.

3.5 out of 5 stars

The Six-Month Marriage by Amanda Grange

 

THE SIX-MONTH MARRIAGE was mostly excellent but I also had some frustrations with it. The premise is fantastic, though, and sure to appeal to readers who enjoy high stakes marriages of convenience, such as BEAST OF BESWICK. Madeline is under her abusive uncle's thumb and he's about to marry her to an even crueler and more abusive man to assuage his gambling debts (as Madeline has a 10,000 pound dowry).

Instead of going along with this, Madeline runs away and ends up encountering a handsome scarred man who saves her from some would-be assaulters. When he talks with her and finds out the extent of her desperation, he decides that she would be the perfect candidate for his own trumped-up marriage proposal. He planned to marry a woman named Letitia to have as his countess because he thinks women are stupid and annoying, and at least she is a familiar enemy (lmao), but his father didn't agree with his choice and threatened to disinherit him posthumously from the Earldom if Philip married Letitia.

So Philip's new and ingenious plan is to marry Madeline for six months and then have the marriage annulled. Letitia gets the countesship, Madeline is freed from her uncle, and the uncle gets the dowry in exchange for leaving them all alone. It seems like the perfect plan, but obviously, since this book is more than twenty pages long, it is NOT.

For most of this book, I felt like it was going to be a five-star read. I liked the high stakes and the danger, and there was even a spy element at play that I liked (and I'm not normally into spies). It doesn't really go anywhere though and has the last ditch drama vibes that some of Lisa Kleypas's third act murder attempt subplots do, though. I liked all the characters and I thought the marriage of convenience was marriage-of-conveniencing quite nicely, but THEN Philip had to drop a skeazy line about how Madeline's trauma made her so much more mature and interesting than the vapid ladies of his acquaintance and that made me hate him a little, ngl. It's giving "I'm jealous you had a traumatic childhood because now you have GREAT material for a memoir!" energy. Yuck.

Madeline and Philip also made some INCREDIBLY stupid decisions in the third act and the use of the miscommunication trope in this book made me want to stick my head in gravel. Pro tip: if your romantic rival says, "Hey, let's meet up on this rickety bridge and talk terms" say NO. The end.

3.5 out of 5 stars

Ironskin by Tina Connolly

 Oh man! I have so many THOUGHTS about this book and thank god I didn't have to go through it alone. My friend, Regina Sage, read it with me and I'm glad she did because she warned me about some pretty major triggers that happened towards the end (TW for body horror, including people getting their faces ripped off). I was not expecting a fantasy romance with a prom dress cover to be so DARK.

First of all, I don't think the 3.33 average rating is deserved. But before ACOTAR, I am not really sure people knew what to do with fae romances. Elizabeth May posted about how her Falconer series kind of flopped, because it came out before fae was popular and now it's experiencing a resurgence because people can't get enough faerie smut. I feel like this book falls into the same boat. A romance retelling of Jane Eyre involving the fae, with curses, masks, Tam Lin vibes, and a war of humans versus fae? Sounds very ACOTAR-ish. Except this came out all the way back in 2012.

That said, I can kind of see why people weren't sure what to make of it. It's a very slow burn story. It's one of those stories that's more vibes than it is plot. Jane comes to be a governess to a single dad who has a child who might be part fae. Jane has been cursed by the fae and has to wear an iron mask, because her curse is one of anger, and the mask keeps the magic from lashing out. This experience with fae magic puts her in a unique position to tutor Dorie, but it might also put her in danger. Because as she explores Edward Rochart's castle, she encounters many sinister mysteries that suggest that the castle, and Edward himself, might not be all that they seem.

Until maybe about 60% in, I was all set to give this five stars. I felt like the end petered out a little bit and relied on too much violence to get to the conclusion. How many times does a face have to get ripped off in this book? Because I swear it was at least five. That's like at least four times too many. At least, it was for me. And possibly for the other people who picked this up thinking it was going to be a fun and frothy fantasy romance and instead encountered some Tanith Lee levels of horror.

Actually, I would highly recommend this book to fans of Tanith Lee, because I feel like she also traversed the boundary of whimsical and horrific in her works, too. Like, this isn't dark enough to be outright horror or grimdark but it has many of those elements, just as how even though it's incredibly angsty and has some romantic scenes, it's a little too dark and light on relationship development to be a true fantasy romance. I would argue that the ending is an HFN at best and the story probably could have benefited from a conclusion because after all the horror, it feels way too abrupt.

But I did like this book. I would read more from this author in a heartbeat. It was interesting and unique. I just could have done with like 80% less face-ripping.

3.5 out of 5 stars

Virgin Sacrifice by L.M. Ramirez

 

This scratched the dark academia itch I've been touting since starting the Zodiac Academy series: girls with cut-out hearts, creepy cults, and town founders with too much time and power on their hands, Hollow Oak is not a safe place for the unwary. Luckily, Luz, a half-Puerto Rican wunderkind who speaks four languages and has a whole J. Crew-inspired closet full of dark secrets, is hardly unwary.

Why Choose? is not normally a genre I gravitate too, but I just loved the academia setting so much. I also liked all the Blackwells, especially Locke (he gives major Lance Orion vibes, so if you stan Blue x Orion, you'll probably love this book). Allister, Nixon, and Everest were all interesting too and I'm excited to learn more about them.

For some reason, I was expecting a supernatural element, but this feels more like a horror movie pastiche. I was reminded of Wednesday, Happy Death Day, Trick 'R Treat, and Scream, in particular. Most of the gore is on the DL, although there's one pretty gory torture scene towards the middle that was very hard to read. It's not integral to the plot, though, so if gore is hard for you to handle, you can totally skip over it without missing anything.

The book ends on a major cliffhanger, with a potentially large twist. I still have so many questions and I'm very excited to have them answered when I read more from this author. What a stellar debut.

3.5 to 4 out of 5 stars

Assume Nothing: A Story of Intimate Violence by Tanya Selvaratnam

 

This a memoir written by the ex-girlfriend of ex-District Attorney, Eric Schneiderman, who was later accused of abuse by several of his exes, including the author of this book, Tanya Selvaratnam. In this memoir, she writes about how they met, and how his abuse escalated, and what her experiences of living with intimate partner violence were like. Apparently this made pretty big news. Trevor Noah even included a joke about it on his show, because it was considered pretty scandalous that a high-up political official forced his brown girlfriend to participate in master/slave play. She obviously found the joke very distasteful and wrote in to complain, for which she received an apology.

I loved this book a lot. I think she did a great job showing how you can enter a relationship with wide eyes and not realize that your partner is an abusive person until it's too late, because of course we want to forgive the people we love when they hurt us in the hopes that they won't do it again. It was wonderful to hear about the people in her life who worked hard to validate and support her, and get her story out there when she needed it. I also loved that she made the effort to point out that some of the behaviors that happen in abusive relationships can be totally fine in a consensual kinky relationship, but the difference is consent, respect of boundaries, and mutual enthusiasm. That's a distinction that not all memoirs like these bother to make.

Some people complained about her privilege but I think it just goes to show how even with a huge support network, money to spare, and an established career, you can still get suckered in by master manipulators and they can still make it very hard to get away. The racial component is also a valid one, too, and she does point out that brown and Black women have good reason to be leery of law enforcement officials when it comes to making reports of abuse.

4 out of 5 stars

Prisoner by Annika Martin

 

PRISONER is an excellent dark romance. There's an almost Hannibal Lecter x Clarice vibe to it, and I love that cat and mouse dynamic. Grayson is in prison for being a cop killer. Abigail teaches creative writing to the prisoners as a graduate student. Grayson is attracted to Abby right away but he also sees her as a means to an end: by being in his program, there's a way for him to escape and get back to his men.

This is a book about two damaged souls finding each other in the most dire of circumstances. I think there are a lot of triggers in here for potential readers because one of the characters was a victim of CSA and there's also somnophilia and non-con. PRISONER handled these subjects really well, though, and didn't languish on the details, which I really appreciated. 

The first half of the book moved faster than the second, which dragged just a tiny bit. I also agree with other reviewers that the bad guy should have got more of a comeuppance and the ending felt abrupt. But apart from that, this was a well crafted, highly emotional story and I'll be thinking about it for a while. One of the best captivity romances I've read in ages, with an FMC that I liked just as much as the MMC.

4 out of 5 stars

Toxic: Women, Fame, and the Tabloid 2000s by Sarah Ditum

 

The intersection of feminism and pop-culture is one of my favorite topics because so often, when we see popular opinion pieces about pop-culture, the story is told from and about the cisgendered (and mostly white) male perspective. TOXIC was of particular interest to me because I came of age in the late 90s/early 00s, and that shit was toxic as fuck. I am still to this day unpacking some of the harmful messages that I ended up internalizing during that time period. And I don't think anything shows those unattainable and shameful standards for women quite as well as how the media talked about certain celebrities, who either couldn't or didn't want to follow the "rules."

I have mixed feelings about TOXIC because while the subject matter was interesting, the way the author talked about some of these women left a bad taste in my mouth. Take the Britney chapter, which dates itself because it came out pre-Britney memoir: the tone of the essay, while sympathetic, feels patronizing; and in retrospect, some of her remarks about Britney feel quite callous and at times even cruel, such as her analysis of the music video "Everytime." Ditum seems to take it as a mournful song about a breakup, but now we know that it's a heart rending ballad about the abortion Justin made her get that she wasn't allowed to talk about.

The section about Paris reads more positively, but suffers the same limitations because it also came out pre-memoir (her most recent one, I mean; she has two). I liked this chapter a lot because I really like Paris Hilton and I think the author, to her credit, really manages to capture how clever and self-effacing Paris is. However, the essay about Aaliyah was painful to read. Mostly because the focus of the essay is not so much about Aaliyah herself but how she was a victim of grooming. R. Kelly is more prominently discussed in this essay than she is, and the way Ditum talks about her, like a helpless martyred waif who was frozen in time like a bug trapped in amber, made me so upset. 

I don't feel like the Amy Winehouse and Kim Kardashian chapters were very well done at all. Neither of those essays really capture how dynamic and conflicting those women are. Kim Kardashian seems to be a celebrity that people really struggle to write about because I've noticed this is a theme in other celebrity-focused books I've read. I think it's really difficult to juggle the fact that while she portrays herself as a selfish and vapid celebutante, she is an expert deflector, and she and her mom have turned their name into both a brand and empire. She also is the recipient of a metric ton of shit talk. The way people talk about her and her body (particularly during pregnancy) can be so traumatic that I am honestly in awe that she can leave her house without crying (because that is what I would be doing if it were me). Amy Winehouse was a similar recipient of that level of hate, especially in the late aughts and early 2010s. And, like, I really don't think this essay captures how she was basically destroyed by her fame; addiction almost felt like her way of self-medicating from the stress she received from being in the public eye and that is devastating. It feels very Valley of the Dolls, which basically had the message that the standards are women are such that to make do, you have to be drugged up... or perish trying.

I didn't really care about the two essays on Jennifer Anniston and Chyna, so I skimmed those.

TOXIC said some interesting things and reminded me of some very disturbing aughts trends that I'd half-forgotten (like Tila Tequila), but I'm not sure I'd recommend it unless you are just really interested in 2000s celebrity culture and want to read about it in a book that almost seems to emulate the same gossipy tabloid formula that it sets out to criticize.

3 out of 5 stars

Summerstorm by Anastasia Cleaver

 

Easily one of the best gothic romance novels I've ever read. What made this even more of a fun read was that I got to buddy read it with Sarah. Seriously, what didn't I love about this? It's got a dynamic heroine who is slowly corrupted by the band of libertines she's married into. When her bond with one of them goes awry and she's left for dead, she decides to seek her revenge (and this isn't a spoiler, it's literally the blurb on the cover). The Apollonians are cold and cruel, like a troupe of theater kids from hell, and honestly-- this scratched THE SECRET HISTORY itch I've been longing to scratch for years.

I'm simply devastated that this isn't in print. It deserves a reissue because I think everyone should reread it. People who like sympathetic heroines, secret societies, dark academia, and the idea of tortured artists throwing themselves on the pyre of their art will eat this up.

I could say so much more but I don't want to spoil anything for potential readers. But what a keeper. Anastasia Cleaver/Natasha Peters never disappoints.

5 out of 5 stars

Vivia by Tanith Lee

 

The first half of this book was very good, a solid medieval-inspired gothic fantasy with insane kings, mysterious plagues, religious corruption, and sexy basements. I also liked the selfish and vain heroine, the eponymous Vivia. She reminded me a lot of some of the early 1970s bodice-ripper epics I've read, that follow the heroine's journey from childhood to adulthood, as she grows into a flawed and real person.

VIVIA is an interesting story because it tries to do so many things. I feel like that also becomes its weakness towards the end, but I did enjoy most of it. Vivia ends up becoming a vampire, as her kingdom falls into a slow ruin, and her hero's journey occurs after she is transformed. She marries a really weird and creepy dude who performs Island of Doctor Moreau experiments on his people, and falls under suspicion from superstitious peasants who exercise their own sort of witch hunt when girls go missing.

This is a dark and ugly story, about dark and ugly souls. The writing is beautiful and the world-building is so creative, but like I said before, the first half and the last half end up feeling very disparate, almost like separate books. I wouldn't read this again but I did like it.

Thank you to my friend Caro for buddy-reading this with me!

3 out of 5 stars

Dark Surrender by Laurel Collins

 

I was SO psyched to get my hands on a copy of DARK SURRENDER by Laurel Collins because I love gothic novels, especially the smutty ones, and this clinch cover promised shenanigans of the naughty variety, maybe even outside, in the waning light of the moon-dark moors. BUT NO.

First of all, thank you to usedbookin for buddy reading this book with me on Instagram. No shade to her because I had so much fun comparing notes and dothing the goth with her over DM. But DARK SURRENDER actually kind of ended up being a watery, middling read for me. I think it's comparable to some of Victoria Holt's less memorable work, and I would suspect that Holt was probably an inspiration for this author.

The vibes were on point and there were a couple genuinely creepy scenes, like the weird dead mom and the mysterious carousel music box, but apart from that, I wasn't actually all that into this book. That was surprising to me because BMI (which I believe is an imprint of Dorchester) is usually a bit more salacious and fun. 

Would recommend only to die-hard Victoria Holt fans. Or to people who just want it for the cover (i.e. me).

2 to 2.5 out of 5 stars

Crave by Sierra Cartwright

 

This is a second chance BDSM romance. The plot is fairly unique, I thought. Sarah and Reece were engaged, but then she found more than a ring in his bedroom drawer: she found a collar. That scared her enough that she ran away and cut all contact, but after years of missing him and not finding anyone to fill the void, she wants to meet up again, explain herself, and maybe win him back-- or at least get closure.

A mutual friend arranges their meeting and Reece is still angry. But even though he hates her a little, he's attracted to her, too, and is more than willing to use her body and whatever else she offers to get off during the weekend they're spending on a tropical getaway for a friend's birthday.

There's not a lot to say about this one. The plot is literally the smut. But it's pretty good smut and unlike some dark romances, this one is fully consensual and all about being safe and sane. I do think she went a little too hard on the banter and sometimes it felt a little forced, but I thought the story was great. Sarah was a great heroine too. People were being hard on her in the reviews but I have a soft spot for flighty heroines and thought her fears in this case were totally valid.

3.5 out of 5 stars

Nicky the Driver by Cate C. Wells

 

I'm honestly shocked this has such middling ratings because I thought it was FANTASTIC. I actually liked it even more than RUN POSY RUN. Nicky Biancolli might be one of my favorite obsessive romance heroes of all time, and I really loved Zita, too.

Zita's dad is in the mob, but when he pisses off the wrong people, he gets killed in the family kitchen. Lucca Corso is more than willing to kill the rest of her family, one right after the other, including her brothers, unless she agrees to marry Nicky, his driver.

It's kind of like an arranged marriage romance, but with a blackmail element. Despite that, Nicky is a total consent king. What makes this more like a traditional dark romance is that Nicky has been stalking Zita since they were children. She actually had one of her brother's friends beat him up for being a creep. But that didn't stop him. My man is OBSESSED with a capital O, and Zita isn't sure how to deal with that kind of force in her life.

Zita is also a really great heroine. She kind of reminded me of Keeley from Ted Lasso, or Gianna from THE MADDEST OBSESSION. I love a damaged girly-girl. She has an eating disorder, which I know might be triggering for some to read about because it's portrayed in pretty explicit detail, but it's not done for show. The way it ties into her trauma and emotions is so well done. So is the lasting damage she's got from her mother's sexism and her father's abuse. Zita also has a trans sister that she would do anything for, and her coming out was done in a really beautiful and loving way. This is the first mafia romance I've ever read with trans rep and that was awesome.

This was almost a perfect read for me. It was SO CLOSE to being five stars. There were just a couple things I didn't like. Like, the drama in the last act felt a little out of character, and I don't like how Nicky's character kind of changed abruptly at the end, before the resolution. I also agree with other reviewers that the climax and the ending felt kind of rushed. Also, and this is just a nitpicky thing, but I hate the word "cream" in sex scenes. Like, it's gag reflex-worthy. I literally cannot stand it. Apart from that, the sex scenes were SO well done and the tension was off the charts, but I had to glaze my own eyes over and skim every time I saw that word. Big nope.

Apart from that, though, NICKY THE DRIVER was fabulous. I've read three Cate C. Wells's books and I've loved them all. She's such a talented author and I love the detail that goes into her characters and their worlds. Some books have side characters that feel like afterthoughts but that definitely wasn't the case with any of hers. She even made me love some tropes that I HATE, like marriage in crisis and secret baby. If you're a fan of stalker romances but don't want a hero who brutalizes the heroine, this is totally your jam. Nicky is the perfect blend of fucked up and sweet and I stan.

4 to 4.5 out of 5 stars

Return to Monte Carlo by Cate C. Wells

 

Loved how this managed to capture the vibe of an old skool HP in the vein of Charlotte Lamb, but with a modern feminist twist and way more smut. RETURN TO MONTE CARLO also made me enjoy several tropes I hate, including secret baby and marriage in crisis. PLEASE let this be a series she's planning, I beg of you. I love the retro vibe without the stranglehold of dated sexism.

I'm honestly surprised at how many people were hating on Diane as the heroine (JK, no I'm not). People were saying she was immature but she was young. She's twenty. I was a hot mess when I was twenty. She's married and mostly has her shit together. She's basically a beautiful rube who got lucky and married way above her head to an older man with weird kinks she doesn't quite understand but (mostly) get her off. So in this case, the marriage in crisis element works because they literally come from two very different worlds.

Marco, her husband, is an Italian business tycoon. Lately, he's been neglecting her and Diane is afraid he's cheating. He's a hard man to read, the pinnacle of the strong and silent type with BDE Daddy energy. When their anniversary dinner goes to shit and results in a broken heirloom and a telenovela-style slap, Diane is disgraced and ends up leaving Marco and his family to return back to her hometown in Oklahoma.

I don't want to spoil too much but I thought the misunderstandings between them were really well done. I loved the dual POV, loved both narrators, and thought it was great to see Marco fall in love with his wife all over again: this time, not as a pretty doll he placed on a pedestal, but as the real flesh and blood article behind the painted face. We also STAN a grovel that has the man on his knees in front of his entire family begging her not to leave (YAS). Speaking of the family, they were interesting too. Even the villains of this story had interesting little twists to their characters, and I loved Rosanella.

Cate C. Wells was a new to me author who made me love mafia (another genre I usually don't like). At this point, I think I'm probably going to read everything she writes, regardless of whether it's a trope I enjoy or not. She is so fucking talented and I just love her characters and her worlds.

4.5 out of 5 stars

Lockdown by Alexander Gordon Smith

 

This book made me miss the dystopian boom. I liked the creativeness of the story. It kind of reminds me of both HOLES and the Alex Rider series, but way grungier and creepier. Escape from Furnace is a series about a dystopian society where boys are slapped into a maximum security prison for even the smallest of crimes. But it seems like maybe there aren't enough criminals to fill quota because boys like our main character, Alex, are being framed.

If you like modern-day steampunk horror, like the Bioshock franchise, you'll love this. It definitely feels like a book that's marketed to teen boys first and foremost but I think that there's a lot in here that would appeal to adult readers of horror, too. I know it's the first book in the series but I had SO MANY QUESTIONS that weren't answered, and that was frustrating. Like, I know, I know, first in a series. But give me something! And it ends on a wicked cliffhanger, too. I can't imagine being a teen reading this in 2009 and being like where's the rest.

3 out of 5 stars

Follow Me to the Yew Tree by Desirée M. Niccoli

 

FOLLOW ME TO THE YEW TREE is a short, sweet, and surprisingly spicy story about soulmates who are forced to fight for each other against the looming specter of death. I don't want to say too much more, but there's a little bit of death and the maiden, a little bit of a supernatural element, and a little bit of a fairytale twist. I'd highly recommend this book for anyone who read TUCK, EVERLASTING and thought that the heroine made the wrong choice. Eireann is a bad-ass bitch.

Also, side note: the hero of this book has pancolitis, which is an autoimmune disease that affects the colon and appears to result in gastrointestinal distress, bloating, and diarrhea. I saw some reviewers who thought this was gross but I loved seeing it. For years, an undiagnosed food sensitivity caused me to randomly vomit and, yes, shit. A couple times I almost shat my pants. This is something that is frequently played for comedy in movies, but until you have experienced bathroom anxiety and the terror of not knowing when you'll have another flare up, you'll never fully understand how satisfying it is to see someone who gets it.

So I really enjoyed this book and it sold me on the insta-love trope, which isn't usually something I enjoy (most authors can't pull it off, imo). So FOLLOW ME TO THE YEW TREE now joins Shiloh Sloane's LIKE NEON MORNINGS on the very short list of books that have me believing that people can fall in love after only one day.

4 to 4.5 out of 5 stars

BloodAngel by Justine Musk

 

Elon Musk's ex-wife wrote a paranormal romance and nobody is talking about it?! When I found that out, obviously the book went right onto my list. I said when I hit 4,000 followers on Threads, I'd read it, and I did, so I read it. My expectations when I went in were honestly pretty low. I'd read her interview with Marie Claire and she had a great way of words when telling her own story but that doesn't always translate well to fiction.

Let's just say the Poppy Z. Brite blurb on the cover is well-warranted. This is a bizarre multi-POV romance that kind of reminded me of some of those old campy urban fantasy shows you used to see on the Sy-Fy channel. There's road trips, grunge music, tortured artists, slightly creepy age gaps, lots of alt and goth cultural references, and surprising amounts of smut and gore sprinkled into what's honestly a pretty decent goth fantasy story.

This feels like an adult version of Shadowhunters, which means that like Shadowhunters, sometimes there's too much going on and the story gets lost in all the edgy edgeness. But Musk has a great eye for details and morally grey characters, and even the villains have some level of nuance.

Would recommend for fans of Brite, Tanith Lee, and Stephen King (especially The Stand).

3 to 3.5 out of 5 stars

Swindled: From Poison Sweets to Counterfeit Coffee—The Dark History of the Food Cheats by Bee Wilson

 

SWINDLED is a great book, especially if you're interested in ingredient transparency and food adulteration. As someone with food allergies, accuracy of food labeling is very important to my health. I have gotten very sick when people lied to me about what was in the food (either maliciously or simply negligently). One of the banes of my existence is GRAS, or generally regarded as safe, ingredients, which are sometimes excluded from ingredient lists. This is why sometimes you will just see "spice" or "spice blend" on an ingredient label, as well as "natural vegetable coloring." GRAS allows corporations to have proprietary ingredient blends that don't usually cause health problems and aren't top allergens. Sucks if you happen to have that allergy, though. BYEEE.

I found it fascinating how fraught with food cheats history is/was. But I guess it makes sense. Without regulations in place to penalize fraudsters, there's only conscience standing in the way of unscrupulous people making a quick buck. The horror stories of Victorian/early Industrial age food manufacturing were quite chilling. I learned that people boiled vegetables with brass or copper to make them green, and that lead and mercury were used to dye candy. Even more gross: how people would try to sell spoiled meat and cheese by either layering fresh meat or cheese around the spoiled bits, or pumping the meat with chemicals and basically "cauterizing" the rotten bits at the bone with white-hot iron rods. But lest you think that this sort of behavior was a product of the past, Wilson offers modern examples: the Chinese baby milk scandal where people were selling sugar and starch instead of actual formula, and the counterfeiting of specialty products like Corsican ham and Basmati rice.

You'll need a strong stomach to get through parts of this book and at times it can be a little dull, but this is one of the most informative, relevant, and interesting nonfiction books I've read in a while and I would honestly recommend it to anyone as an example of why it's so important to know what's in your food, where it comes from, and how it was really made.

3.5 out of 5 stars

Strange Unearthly Things by Kelly Creagh

 

DNF @ 28%

I'm on a quest to read all the JANE EYRE retellings because that is one of my favorite books! I got to buddy read this one with my friend Allison, which was exciting! Unfortunately that was the most exciting thing about this book. This is a YA book but the teens in this book feel very inauthentic. Fake swearing, stilted dialogue, and too much internal narration clutter up a premise that had the potential to be really interesting. Some of this is on me as a reader so definitely take my opinion with a grain of salt. I do wish I'd listened to my friends and checked out some of the other reviews before buying a copy. Read the sample and see if you like the writing style before buying.

1 out of 5 stars

In Session: A Dark Romance Novella by Vivi Sloane

 

I'm kind of surprised this doesn't have way more reviews because it's so good. This is like the dark romance version of B.G. Harlen's BREAK HER, in the sense that it takes a Hannibal/Clarice dynamic and turns it into erotica, but whereas BREAK HER is just erotica (which borders on horror and torture porn), IN SESSION is more of a very dark and taboo erotic romance that examines its characters in psychological depth.

Avery is a psychiatrist who sometimes handles court-ordered patients. Her newest one is a man named Nash Wyatt, a convinced serial killer. He immediately starts pushing boundaries and trying to get into her head and Avery is a little alarmed at how she responds to him-- with disgust, yes, but also in ways that go beyond clinical fascination.

Even though this is a novella, it feels like slow-burn because not much happens until the end. It's so worth it, though. From the very beginning I was fascinated with these characters and had to know how the story would end. Some of the dirty talk wasn't my cup of tea (like when he tells princess to make her asshole "wink" lol), but 99% of it, I was toooootally on board with. If you're into books with CNC, this is right up there with WILLING VICTIM and ASKING FOR IT. I'd read anything else this author writes.

4.5 to 5 out of 5 stars

Her Drag Barbarian by Kate Raven

 

You've heard of the "gay for you" trope, now let me introduce you to the first "bi for you" I've ever read.

HER DRAG BARBARIAN is about a woman named Elowyn who is an archaeologist but has a dad who's into a business conflict/rep management type of business. He doesn't think Elowyn's future as an archaeologist is all that promising and has strongarmed her into taking on one of his clients: a drag business called Heavenly Lights.

Most of the problems-- sexual misconduct, hostile work environment, things involving fire-- are being caused by Je Sweet, the drag persona of a 6'4" French man named Beau, who is basically chaos in gaff tape and too-tight shorts. 

Unfortunately for him, Elowyn is just as unhinged and psychotic as he is, and sees no problem threatening him with bodily harm or shoving his head into a table if it means keeping him from destroying the business that her very HONOR now dictates (or dicktates) that she save.

The comedy and banter in this book were honestly top-tier. I actually liked this book a lot more than THE CATCHER even though they had similar plots because it didn't feel like the heroine was as much of a victim and the breeding element made a little more sense here. I also liked that there was a little bit of a mystery, and how the pronouns of Je changed depending on whether or not she was in drag. Also, both the FMC and MMCs are chaotic bisexuals, which is a fun change in a genre where everyone tends to be so rigidly on one end of the Kinsey scale that it feels very y=mx+c y = m x + c m, if you know what I mean (did anyone else take Geometry? Lmfao).

3.5 out of 5 stars

Moonshine Savage by Kate Raven

 

The next time I see someone asking for a cozy non-con rec, I'm suggesting them this. Did I know that non-con could even be cozy before I read MOONSHINE SAVAGE? Nope. Surprise, surprise.

Saoirse is on her way to a librarian interview that ends up going nowhere when her car breaks down. She's almost assaulted by a bunch of gang members, but luckily she's rescued by a tall blonde backwoods god of a man named Jake. Not so luckily for her, he's absolutely unhinged, horny and feral AF, and determined to make her his wife whether or not she's amenable to that.

This feels like one of those 70s pulps but in a fun, non-cringe way. Mostly because the heroine gets some licks in of her own and because it's absolutely hilarious, the lengths Jake will go to make Saoirse his woman. $1 million dollar wedding rings and tattooing her car's license plate on his arm? There's nothing this crazy man won't do. He even buys her a BLT before ripping her underwear off. Such a gentleman.

Also, she gets pie from his mom. :)

This book was insane and I liked it.

3 to 3.5 out of 5 stars

Sun Damage by Sabine Durant

 

My favorite kind of thriller! This was so much fun, kind of like a cross between Mr. Ripley and Apples Never Fall. Ali, the heroine, is part of a two-person con artist duo. But when a plan involving a rich British socialite goes terribly wrong, Ali steals her identity and runs away to a French chalet, where she ends up playing chef to a family of expatriates hoping to get away on holiday.

I love a morally grey "unlikable" FMC and I thought Durant did a really good job showing how a con artist could be morally flexible and still guilty, while also rationalizing their crimes. The family was also really interesting and I liked how the story peeled back the fabric of their lives to reveal some of their dark and twisty secrets. 

I will say that the build-up of this one is so slow, which I wasn't expecting because the beginning of this book moves so fast. I never wanted to put the book down because the writing was so good, but pacing did feel like it was an issue. Especially because, ultimately, the family didn't really seem all that relevant to the plot by the end?

Regardless, I really enjoyed SUN DAMAGE and wouldn't be surprised if it ends up becoming a TV mini series. I read it after reading THE CLIFF HOUSE and I think I've realized that my favorite genre of thriller is "fucked up lady goes on vacation and revels in her fucked upedness."

P.S. Thank you for actually having the heroine bang the hot, hairy-chested suspicious guy.

4 out of 5 stars

The Catcher by Kate Raven

 

I don't normally like breeding or sports romances, and even though this was both of those things, I really enjoyed it. The premise is great. Emrys is a PR agent turned art therapy teacher who is called in for one last big project: Tanner Courtenay is dragging his team down to the dirt with bad press due to poor conduct and criminal behavior. If she can redeem his image, she'll get the motherlode of all bonuses.

Tanner is one of the most unhinged heroes I've ever read. When he meets the heroine, he bashes out the lights with his emotional support baseball bat, covering her in broken glass. He literally has a business meeting with the heroine while he's getting blown by another woman; he gives zero shits. By the time he gets into a relationship of sorts with the heroine, he gets even crazier. He buys a microscope to see if she's ovulating (SCIENCE) and when he fucks up, he gets her some apology tortoises.

I understand that this is an erotic fantasy novella, so we're supposed to suspend our disbelief, but I was a little confused about why the hero suddenly got so into ~breeding~ and how/when the heroine fell in love with him. I love a toxic "I can fix him!" moment as much as the next girlie, but I wish there had been a little more development there. This was also marketed as being a grovel romance and it didn't really have a grovel. He was just a gloriously unapologetic asshole and she sort of went along with it, which is fine, but a totally different kink.

If you enjoy old skool Harlequin romance novels with brutal and crazy heroes, you will enjoy this book. Very similar vibe, but with a lot more sex. I'm probably going to hell for laughing at this as much as I did. Emrys is a soft and passive heroine but she manages to push back against Tanner in a way that was really satisfying, and I thought her name was so pretty.

3 to 3.5 out of 5 stars

A Friend in the Dark by Samantha M. Bailey

 

This is a strange, short, faced-paced thriller that kind of reminded me of some of the erotic thrillers from the 90s. Especially with the whole, "ooooh, BDSM is so fringe and weird" subplot that entered briefly.

I liked the writing style a lot. Eden and Olivia were both distinct narrators with flaws and quirks. I thought Eden was better rounded than Olivia, who fell into a literary stereotype trap that was a little hard to swallow. The first half of this book was great and one twist actually made me gasp out loud, although it didn't pan out the way I had hoped it would.

The second half of the book was a bit anticlimactic by comparison. I thought I knew what was going to happen and then when what I thought was going to happen didn't happen, I realized that I didn't like the actual ending better lol. It almost felt like the author wasn't sure how she wanted to end this book and drew random endings out of a hat.

I would read more from this author but man, this family needs a TON of therapy.

3 out of 5 stars

Through the Smoke by Brenda Novak

 

This was literally EVERYTHING I want in a Gothic novel. Rich in atmosphere, strong heroine and swoon-worthy but dangerous hero, class politics, gritty history, dark secrets, and muuuuurduuurrr.

So obviously I loved it.

THROUGH THE SMOKE has an incredibly convoluted plot for a historical romance novel, which tend to be more relationship focused, but that's part of what I loved so much about it. Rachel is a bookseller's daughter. In the beginning of the book, she goes against her mother's wishes to avoid the earl in order to get her a doctor. The earl has been coming around to her place (their first meeting in the book, he catches her itching her boob when she thought she was alone! LOL) looking for information about the mysterious death of his wife in the fire that almost killed him, too. Rachel knows that her father was approached by someone with money to start the fire, but she's reluctant to part with the information. 

Anyway, tragedy happens and her mother dies anyway, and due to some sinister plots, she ends up drugged and naked in the earl's bed (and no, he didn't do it). There's a bit of somno for those who are into that, but Rachel ends up deciding she likes it (and not in a no! no! yes! way, either, she is down and dirty for the man). The enemies to lovers relationship becomes a lovers to lovers relationship, but their forbidden love becomes treacherous and even deadly amidst a backdrop of fomenting rebellion in the coal mines, a conspiracy to destroy the earl, and town secrets and politics that are even darker and blacker in deed than the mines that provide the town's money.

When I read Sheilla Holland's WOMAN OF IRON, I was expecting something more like this-- a dark and forbidden romance that really sells the passion, as well as the politics. This was beautifully written and a joy to read and I loved literally every moment of it. If you enjoyed books like DUKE OF SHADOWS and WHEN ANGELS FALL, where the authors take a hard and serious look at the effects of class politics on relationships, you'll love this. I can't wait to read more from this author. Holy wow.

P.S. Thanks to Sarah Beth for buddy reading this with me! I had so much fun!

5 out of 5 stars

The Cliff House by Chris Brookmyre

 

Whoa. The next time someone asks me for a book rec of a dude who actually does a good job writing female characters, I'm sending them this. THE CLIFF HOUSE by Chris Brookmyre is fast-paced trashy fun, about a group of women who go to an isolated venue in the Hebrides for a bachelorette weekend only for someone to be murdered. But there's a twist on the usual "oh no, murder party!" plot: every single one of these ladies has a dark and glaring secret.

This book was a little silly but the characters were amazing and the tension was SO well done. There were several twists that literally had me shocked, and I admired how everything came together full circle. It's been a while since I read a book that hooked me from the beginning, and had me engaged from start to finish, but this was it.

I'll have to check out more books by this author because this one basically ticked all of my boxes. Except the smut box. But honestly, there was enough scandalous behavior in here to make up for it.

Thanks so much to my friend Corvina for buddy-reading with me!

4.5 out of 5 stars

Walk of the Spirits by Richie Tankersley Cusick

 

This was a buddy-read with my friend Corvina. WALK OF THE SPIRITS has been on my TBR for a while because Richie Tankersley Cusick is one of my favorite horror/thriller books of all time. Most of her books are YA but she has two adult titles. Her adult titles are among her best work, I think because she had to dial stuff way down for her YA publishers. Even so, her older stuff tends to be wilder than her newer books. WALK OF THE SPIRITS is so mild that it could probably be on the Disney channel.

There's a lot about this book I did like, though. Nobody does atmosphere like this author. I also thought the heroine was bland but fine (surprised by how many people were calling her obnoxious in the reviews; she's almost ridiculously inoffensive). Also, one of the other girls talks about how she's had casual sex and the heroine is super unjudgemental about it, which is a rarity for the 00s. I also liked the Louisiana ghost culture elements and the fact that one of the love interests was a hot, dangerous Cajun guy.

Where this book fell apart was that it foreshadowed creepy stuff but then it didn't pay off. I had an idea of how this book would end and when I wasn't even close, I was mad, because I liked my idea better. The ending was ridiculous. Apparently, there's a sequel, so some of the open-endedness made sense, but my issues with the main storyline remain.

I still love this author but I won't be recommending WALK OF THE SPIRITS to anyone.

2 to 2.5 out of 5 stars

The Medici Giraffe and Other Tales of Exotic Animals and Power by Marina Belozerskaya

 

I bought this like ten years ago, back when I was SUPER obsessed with nonfiction. I still like nonfiction but now it feels like a chore to read and I have to be in the mood for it, unless it's a memoir or one of those really poppy books about science. 

THE MEDICI GIRAFFE is a book that sets out to explore how animals have, historically, been used as displays of power. It starts out with Alexander the Great's fascination with elephants and their potential for use in his armies and ends with William Randolph Hearst's private zoo, plus an epilogue that sort of skirts around China's use of pandas in global diplomacy.

This book's biggest flaw is that the topics are not cohesive. Apart from the chapters being about rich, powerful people who kept animals (or slaves-- more on that in a mo'), the people they talk about are pretty different and it didn't feel like there was a unifying theme.

So here are some bulleted thoughts.

Alexander the Great's chapter was one of the best because I loved the idea of this dude creating a two hundred strong herd of elephants that he then couldn't be fucked to train. Elephants scared horses and also men, so the armies that had them, had to have handlers who got the horses used to them and were adept at managing the elephants. But Alexander had so much conquering to do that he didn't take the time. They were basically useless. The Ptolemaic dynasty kind of feels anticlimactic after the elephant hilarity, but I did get a kick out of Ptolemy's younger son literally having a name that means sister-fucker because he married his sister. Loooooool. The Greeks apparently hated that and thought that was super gross (lots of gossip about "unholy holes"). I think he's also the guy who put statues of his mistresses everywhere. HILARIOUS. I love that kind of gossip.

Did not care at all about the Roman chapter that followed. Booooring.

Lorenzo de Medici's chapter was mildly interesting. Basically, he was like "fuck you, I'm a Medici, I own a giraffe." 

There was a guy from Europe who owned a lion named Rudolph but apparently lions weren't as cool. I wished the side note about the Chinese emperor who told people to stop giving him lions as presents because he had too many was the main chapter. Oh, to be a fly on the wall in ancient China when the emperor was telling everyone that lions are totally last season, you guys. 11/10 would watch.

Josephine Bonaparte was apparently a crazy bird lady. She had so many birds. She had a lot of other animals too but then Napoleon got pissed off and told her to cut it out. The fact that she cheated on her asshole husband and had a ton of spite-birds made me like her more than I already did. After Alexander the Great's chapter, Josephine and her black swan army was the best chapter.

William Randolph Hearst's chapter was weird. The tone almost felt fangirly in parts but this guy was not a nice person. Also, his zoo animals seemed to be pretty badly treated, so that made me sad. I don't want to read about how he didn't listen to the zoo employee he hired to evaluate the health and comfort of his diseased and anxious animals (spoiler: he wasn't sliving for protection against animal cruelty) or how zoo visitors and zoo EMPLOYEES tortured the animals for fun. The only thing about this chapter that I liked was the fact that Charlie Chaplin apparently got a goofy grin while looking at zoos. YES.

The chapter that made me most uncomfy, however, was the "Human Animals" chapter, which was about Hernan Cortez and his colonization of indigenous Mexicans. I don't know, guys, something about writing about human slavery and sticking it in a chapter in a book about animals being used for power gives me the ick. Cortez was an asshole. The only good thing about this chapter was that it made me want to rewatch The Road to El Dorado, which is an excellent movie.

The epilogue about China's panda diplomacy was OK. Vox has a video about it which is way better. I don't think we like pandas because they remind us of ourselves. I think we like pandas because they look like black and white teddy bears who eat leaves.

Overall, this book was OK. I'm not going to keep it but I learned a lot of interesting things that I never learned in my history classes back in school. BRB, adding Road to El Dorado to my watch queue.

3 out of 5 stars

14 Ways to Die by Vincent Ralph

 

I loved the idea behind this: a girl leveraging social media to find the serial killer who murdered her mother? I'm happy to report that the execution was good, too. 

Jess's mother was murdered by the Magpie Man when she was just seven years old, creating a wound that never healed. When the opportunity to be on a reality TV show with vlogs shows up, she thinks it might be a way to provoke the killer into doing something stupid and outing himself once and for all. Or, at the very least, a way to reach someone who knows something.

I liked this book a lot. It was fast-paced and tightly plotted. There wasn't a ton of substance to it but I was engaged the whole time. If they played up the romance a little more this would make a great CW TV show lol. There's even a bit of "is he the bad guy or just a hot man who's into me?" which is always my favorite trope.

4 out of 5 stars

Powerless by Lauren Roberts

 

DNF @ p.131

Not for me. I couldn't get into the writing style and I'm not really a fan of the insta-love trope. Story-wise, this feels like a three-way cross between FOURTH WING, HUNGER GAMES, and Ilona Andrews's Hidden Legacy series, with a sprinkling of Rhysand's "darling" thrown in for good fun. I can see why this is popular because it is basically catering to every popular trope in the YA/NA fantasy market. It just feels a little... flat, for me, personally. 

2 out of 5 stars

Cinderalla by Junko Mizuno

 

I remember seeing an ad for this in the back of one of my Viz comics like twenty years ago, and obviously it made an impression because I couldn't stop thinking about it for all these years. Finally, I decided to buy myself a copy and holy shit, this is one of the most insane things I've ever read. The back of my copy compares this to "Powerpuff Girls on acid" and has a blurb from VICE magazine that calls her the "cruelest" cartoon artist in Japan.

CINDERELLA is a truly bizarre Cinderella retelling that feels like what you'd get if Rob Zombie was into anime. When Cinderella's father dies from overeating, he comes back to life as a zombie. Cinderella is overjoyed because this means that they can continue to run their yakitori shop together. But then her dad comes back with a demanding zombie bride and two zombie stepsisters, and all they do is make Cinderella cook, clean, and sew bras for them.

The prince in this book is a chronically ill stage performer who died and then came back as a zombie. Also there's fairies, everyone walks around topless (even while cleaning??) and there's plenty of blood and guts for the discerning splatterpunk aficionado. All drawn in an overly cute style.

So like I said, this book was insane. It was not my thing and definitely not for children, but I appreciated the sheer fucking bizarreness of it. Also, there's a great interview with the author in the back of the book where she talks about her history as an artist and how she launched her career. There's also an ad for an exclusive doll from these comics at a store in California that I am very tempted to send money to, just to see if they would send me a pity prize (note: won't be doing that, though lolol).

Recommended for fellow weirdos and people who like irony in art.

3 out of 5 stars

The Moth Keeper by Kay O'Neill

 

I freaking love Kay O'Neill but this just didn't feel as good as Tea Dragon Society or Aquicorn Cove. The art is gorgeous (it always is) and the core messages of their comic books are always so important and good-hearted, but this one felt poorly developed compared to some of their other graphic-novels. At least, it did to me.

2 to 2.5 out of 5 stars

Starlings by Amanda Linsmeier

 

Rosemont is an idealistic little town that looks like it could have come out of a Norman Rockwell painting, and is famous for its "eternal roses." But when Kit goes there with her mother to visit the paternal grandmother her father never told her existed, a pall hangs over the town. Everyone stares at her, whispering her name. She hears a strange man's voice in the middle of the night. And what's this about a festival?

STARLINGS is a pretty solid YA gothic novel with some genuinely creepy scenes and an empowered bisexual heroine and, of course, the hawt and sinister villain. I honestly wasn't expecting this to be as sensual as it was, and there were some excellent body horror scenes and implied grotesqueness that made me squirm.

Points off because it got a little weird in the third act and there wasn't as much build-up with the love interests (who weren't really love interests) as I would have liked. But if you're into vibes and atmosphere, and love folk horror, this is your jam. I recommend this particularly to fans of Ann Fraistat's WHAT WE HARVEST.

3.5 out of 5 stars

Besieged by Charlotte Lamb

 

Charlotte Lamb is one of my favorite Harlequin romance authors but sometimes she churns out a miss rather than a hit. BESIEGED is the first book in the Barbary Wharf series, which seems to be about the contested ownership of a popular newspaper and its adjoining property. Gina, the heroine of this book, is the daughter-in-law of the current owner, but is now newly widowed. Nick, the hero, is a sort of corporate raider who would like to ownership of the paper/building by force, if necessary. And since this is an older Harlequin, that's his approach to courtship, as well.

There were some things I enjoyed about this book. I'm a toxic sucker for forceful kisses and "little fools!" in romance, and Nick is definitely an old skool kind of hero. You have to read these books pretending you wouldn't know exactly who they'd vote for in a political election and whether or not they have a not-so-dusty copy of Ayn Rand on their bookshelf, though. The kissing/steamy scenes were hot, although they don't actually get to banging. In fact the book ends on a cliffhanger.

The set up of this series is actually weird because unlike series where each book leads you to another couple, it appears that Gina and Nick continue to have their relationship evolve in each subsequent book, but their relationship becomes the secondary romance, as each new couple in the series spins out in the foreground. Points for creativity, I guess, but it was a little distracting. Especially since the secondary characters in this book, Piet and Hazel, were not that likeable and didn't have much chemistry. They were kind of thrown in as an afterthought.

For a workplace romance, this is great, though. Lamb does a good job making romances feel businessy without bogging down the plot. And y'all know I have a soft spot for heroes named Nick. I didn't love it and I probably won't read further into the series but it was an interesting (if slow) ride. Thanks so much to Heather for buddy-reading this with me. I'm sorry I took forever to finish it!

2.5 out of 5 stars

The Crane Husband by Kelly Barnhill

 

Monster fucking but make it literary??

THE CRANE HUSBAND is such a bizarre book. When I was young, I had a book of fairytales from all over the world and this story could have been ripped from its pages. Even though it's set in contemporary times, there's something chillingly timeless and old-fashioned about it, outside of those modern references. It seems to float in its own bubble.

The story is about a small family: a teenage girl and her younger brother, who both live with their self-absorbed artist mother on a farm. Their dad is dead and their bohemian mother has entertained affairs with people of all genders, but one day, she brings home a crane. And the crane is kind of a huge douchebag. All of the farm animals are afraid of him, and when he and the mom spend the night together, she comes down the stairs covered in blood. Obviously, the crane has to go.

But the mother insists she loves him.

I feel like this is an allegory for how abuse transforms people, and how people who commit violence against others are like animals. I have read other stories that turn abuse into metaphor, which simultaneously makes it more chilling and more palatable. Fantasy can be a vehicle to explore trauma with a remove that makes it feel safer, psychologically. I feel like THE CRANE HUSBAND does this.

The story was a little too weird and disjointed for me to fully love it, and the anachronism was tonally jarring, but I thought the writing was gorgeous and I really appreciated what the author was trying to do. At times, it almost gave me a Boy and the Heron vibe. If you like Angela Carter, you'll probably enjoy this. I'll definitely be checking out more of her work.

3 to 3.5 out of 5 stars

It Takes Monsters by Mandy McHugh

 

There's a Little Free Library near me that, I kid you not, is owned by someone with the best taste in books. I'll go there a couple times a week to do drop offs of my own cast-offs, and I'll find some really amazing thrillers and romance novels in there to take home. IT TAKES MONSTERS is one of those.

The premise intrigued me-- because who doesn't love the revenge fantasy of a fed-up woman who decides her husband must die for taking away her agency and turning her into a baby-maker-- and the cover seemed to promise some sort of sexy menage action... or maybe another man or woman, who maybe, idk, helps the heroine hide the body? (Or bodies? *wiggles eyebrows*) But no.

I don't want to say too much about this book because less is definitely more and I also don't want to spoil the ending (which I TOTALLY predicted, by the way, ugh). So first, here's what the book did well. This had a fun, almost retro, 90s horror/thriller vibe to it, and I liked that. The banter was also fun and sometimes quotable, and you know me, I love a female antiheroine (even if she's pretty stupid and is a little too attached to her emotional support murder tarp). Victoria was hilarious and fun.

IT TAKES MONSTERS didn't work for me in a couple ways. I feel like the premise and the cover promise smut, or at least some spice. This book had no spice. What KILLS me is that it would have been so easy to include some too, since one of the scenes literally takes place at a masked sex party, which the heroine goes to and does not have sex. RUDE. I also felt like the motive for the murders didn't make sense, and for me, that's the whole point of a murder mystery. Having it make sense.

This wasn't a bad book by any means and even though I kinda sorta skimmed the end a little bit, I would read more from this author. It's too gory to be a cozy mystery but if you are looking for thrillers that don't have spice or romance, but do feature female protagonists and a bit of a scare, this will definitely be your cup of tea. Thanks so much to Corvina for reading it with me! <3

3 to 3.5 out of 5 stars

The Eclipse Ritual: A Taboo Cult Romance by Kate Rivenhall

 

This book was absolutely insane, like FLOWERS IN THE ATTIC meets Midsommar. I wasn't expecting to enjoy it as much as I did, because this is some of the most depraved shit I've read in a while. Without going into spoilers, THE ECLIPSE RITUAL is the story of Obedience and Ronan, and a society that oppresses women and forces them to be brides against their will if they are chosen.

I liked Obedience's gradual questioning of her faith. I thought it was really well done and appropriately terrifying. Any book where one of the bad guys gets a piece of his dick nailed to a wall is going to be pretty fucked up. I also liked that all of the characters were 18+ and that as psychotic as the hero was, he had his own internal logic that he was following to try to prove his twisted love to the heroine.

Aspirational this is fucking NOT, but I loved it.

4 to 4.5 out of 5 stars

For Your Consideration: Keanu Reeves by Larissa Zageris

 

Well, the book certainly lives up to the title in the sense that it made me consider Keanu Reeves. I had actually forgotten how many movies he was in, including offbeat titles like Dangerous Liaisons and Little Buddha. This is sort of a biography (a very lite one), but it's also a fan letter to Reeves as an actor and a human being.

I enjoyed this book but parts of it were too silly. At times it felt like the authors knew they were running out of material and were scrambling for more filler, case in point: the quizzes, and the bizarre little Keanu fanfiction short story they randomly crammed in here.

Would recommend this to fans of Keanu Reeves, but anyone else probably shouldn't read this book. At the very least, it might prompt you to revisit some cheesy old movies, though.

3 out of 5 stars

The Crow: Special Edition by James O'Barr

 

I'm not crying, you're crying.

If you're unfamiliar with the premise of THE CROW, it's the story of a young man named Eric who defies the laws of death itself for the sake of his vengeance, hunting down the criminals who murdered him, and then SA'd and murdered his fiancee as well. It's pretty horrifying, and very violent, and the story is incredibly dark and bleak.

Apparently the author's own fiancee was killed by a drunk driver when he was very young (eighteen, I think), and this graphic novel was an attempt to channel his feelings into a cathartic medium. You can really feel the raw anguish and hatred seeping through the pages, and at times, that can be very hard. The criminals are also horrible people who do horrible things, and we see them do some of them, which is also hard to read. Reading THE CROW gives you the idea that the world is a rather joyless and terrible place, where happiness is only fleeting, and evil basically runs rampantly unchecked.

It's hard not to fall in love with Eric, though. Even though he's pretentious and weird and violent, he's a 6'5" undead goth who is nice to cats and children and simps hard for his wife. So what if he wears bullets in his hair and carves a crown of thorns in his own chest? The only people who fall victim to his murder-sprees are Bad People Who Are Not Good(TM). He's better than most dark romance heroes.

I think the movie was better than the comic book, but the comic book isn't bad. If you're into gritty-looking art and very dark noir with goth overtones, you'll really enjoy THE CROW.

3.5 out of 5 stars

For Holly by Tanya Byrne

 

After reading and loving FOLLOW ME DOWN by this author, I knew I immediately had to read more of her books. What better to start with, I thought, than FOR HOLLY? If you know me, you know I love step-drama (haha, boy do I), and a sort of thriller about a troubled messy girl who hates her stepmother and is willing to punish her over some kind of sinister (is it sinister???) secret sounded too good to pass up.

Full disclosure, I only read to about 40-50% before skipping ahead to the last couple chapters, which had a promised twist. I wanted to see if the twist made wading through the book worth it. It did not. FOR HOLLY is beautifully written and really brings Paris to life. I also thought the character of Lola, the French-Barbadian heroine, was really well done. She's "unlikable" but in a way that feels relatable rather than entirely off-putting. The problem is that there isn't really enough story or drama to make wading through the (lack of) narrative worth it for me. FOLLOW ME DOWN gripped me from the get-go because of the dual timeline that made it clear that something terrible had happened.

FOR HOLLY tries to do the same (and actually employs a similar "gotcha" kind of twist) but I don't think the author teased enough details to make this as suspenseful as she could have done. Maybe this would work for readers who can happily enjoy a story whose focus is less on plot and story and more on character development and setting, but that is not of particular interest to me. I want drama, suspense, and sordid affairs. I'm sorry to say that I agree with the other reviewers who seem to think that this is the weakest of Ms. Byrne's books. 

2 to 2.5 out of 5 stars