WtAFW: Pounded by Pluto: The Crappiest Planet by Leonard Delaney

 

This was a bonus story in the back of TAKEN BY THE TETRIS BLOCKS and originally I thought, "Nah." But it's been a while since I did a What the Actual Fuck Wednesday post, so why not do a double feature? In case you didn't know, What the Actual Fuck Wednesday is a project I do where I read the weirdest romance and erotica novels that people recommend to me and then I review them for my blog. I've read stories about people fucking everything from balloon animals to El Nino, so at this point, I feel like I cannot be shocked.

This book is about a scientist named Tyson who doesn't want to live on this planet anymore. So he goes on a rocket ship to Pluto where he can live in crappy peace, I guess. Except Pluto is actually sentient and wants to be fucked. Which Tyson does. But then Pluto wants to "return the favor," and Tyson is like wait you're a dude? And Pluto is like love knows no genders, which, okay, that's a real Chuck Tingle moment. I approve.

But Tyson can't be fucked by a planet, that's just not metaphysically possible. So the planet fucks the spaceship instead while Tyson watches. Also he's psychically interfaced with the ship so he can feel everything. LOL. Thank goodness science had the answers. (It usually does.)

I liked this better than TAKEN BY THE TETRIS BLOCKS, even if it was ridiculous. I felt like it was funnier and had better lines. Like "Fuck me up the astronomy" or "hot cosmic twat." Also Tyson screams "SCIENCE!" when he comes, because of course he does. Hopefully Pluto was polite enough not to get any science in his eyes.

1 out of 5 stars